I wrote this long post on Friday and when I went to save it, I lost everything. I was so bummed. I couldn’t write it again. I had to get up from my desk and take a walk. This is why I prefer to use a 3rd party application when blogging. I can quickly recover lost blog posts. Now that I’m no longer in my feelings over losing my post I’m ready to write again.
I have made it back to the states from my trip to the Middle East. I’m still recovering from jet lag and getting acclimated to being back. I came into work and everyone noticed my travel glow. *flips hair* I’m not sure if it was my sun kissed skin or if my aura was just different. But several folks commented on how good I looked and they had no idea I went anywhere. Sometimes a quick getaway is all you need to get rejuvenated. This is why I encourage everyone to get away every month. It doesn’t have to be international. A quick local trip can do wonders on the mind, body and spirit. So stay tuned for the details about my trip but catch some snapshots on The Limerick Lane’s Instagram page.
So, I read this great interview with Shonda Rhimes where she discussed not ever wanting to get married. She talks about how she was in a committed relationship and realized that marriage wasn’t her cup of tea. I resonated with the article because the older I get the less desire I have to marry. Society and family puts all of this pressure on single women to be married. Every family function I’m reminded that I don’t have a husband. My brother once told me I wasn’t invited on one of his trips because I wasn’t seeing anyone. Now you know my feelings were NOT hurt because I travel all the time. Had he not told me, I would have never known. And let me not get started with my own mother who I love dearly that always asks after I go out if I met anyone. And when I respond with no she goes on to comment about how it must be my fault. I have a stank face or I’m unapproachable. Yep, it’s all my fault. *sigh* Mind you, when I got out with friends at night I’m not trying to meet dudes. I’m there to enjoy myself. If it happens, great. But I’m not out there in desperation trying to meet someone. I’m actually fine being single. Sure, a Netflix night every now and then would be great but I’m fine binging by myself too.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been asked by people – some strangers – “How come you aren’t married?” I mean, is there really any way to answer this? So I always reply with “Why are you married?” They are usually taken back and realize how silly they look asking that question.
Here’s the thing I’ve come to realize after reading Shonda’s interview. I’m not sure if I ever want to get married. I initially wanted to get married in order to have children. My desire for kids is much greater than my desire for a husband. But I don’t want to have children out of wedlock. My view may be antiquated but I only know what I have experienced. And that is a two parent household. No judgement to those that want or are raising kids solo. Kudos to you. That just wasn’t the life I wanted for myself. But who is to say what may happen in the future.
I’m really starting to believe that marriage is overrated. I have a friend who always says that even though she has been in a long term relationship with her college sweetheart for over 14 years. I can sort of agree with her sentiments. I know so many people that are divorced and on their second marriage. Why is it that it didn’t work out? Did they get married too young? Did they marry for love? I have talked to older married couples who have said that if they had to do it over again they would marry for business not for love. Does the love fade? I met a divorced gentleman that referred to his ex-wife as crazy. Wasn’t she crazy when you met? I had to ask him. And his response was that she got crazy over time. Um….ok. *insert side eye*
What about the married men that show up in my DMs or that I meet on the street? Shout out to Google. I’ve uncovered a few dudes wedding pictures, wedding registries and more thanks to the world wide web. I advise everyone to Google anyone they are dating. It’s not snooping. It’s protecting yourself. Why are these men looking to stray?
I’m still a believer in the happily ever after with Prince Charming. But the older I get, the more I wonder if marriage is overrated. I posed the question on my Facebook page and a friend commented on how we are the only species on earth that mate for life. Read more about the history of marriage. It’s very interesting.
Now let’s discuss this ensemble. I’ve never been the one to rock a ‘move something’ dress or a ‘freakum dress’ as Beyonce calls it in a while. In my younger days I did. But I was built like a brick house and youth gives you confidence. Let’s be honest, I’ve retired from my clubbin’ days so I really don’t have any place to wear it.
What are your view on marriage? Is it overrated?
4 comments
Finally getting to the entire post! Good read. I’ve been married 7 years together for 10. I can’t speak like it’s been 20 or 30 BUT, my first thought after reading this was: “she hasn’t met her husband yet!”
How can marriage be such a major focus without the other person in the picture?
Taking advice from divorced people about marriage just (personally) never seems like a good idea. Marrying for reasons like uniting families or business have been going on for centuries.
After living in Abu Dhabi for over 5 years I learned the term “love marriage”. It’s what some of my Muslim or Arab/Asian friends called my marriage. We married because we LOVED each other. A love marriage is actually not that common. Fear, loneliness, childlessness, money, public opinion etc are some reasons people get married. So if a marriage is missing love is it overrated? Possibly!
I’m a fan of Shondraland! I’ve been watching GA faithfully since season 1 and all the shows since. But what I have noticed is she doesn’t have ONE healthy marriage in ANY of her shows. I noticed this years ago, I know it’s entertainment but it gives you some insight into her thinking. Greatness or success in one area does not spill into others: just because she’s awesome at what she does doesn’t mean she’s awesome at everything (advice on writing – yes! Advice on relationships – uhhhh?)
If you feel marriage is overrated as a SINGLE person that’s one thing and makes total sense! Do you boo!! But as a divorcee? Of course it’s overrated, you’re divorced! hmmm I just can’t buy it. ahhhh sorry so long.
Love, LOVE this perspective. I’ve had conversations before about Shonda’s writing and her views on love, marriage and being a black woman. Very deep conversations. Your perspective is very interesting. I never thought of it that way. I will have to look more closely into her shows. Most of the time I don’t delve past the show. I never dig deeper. Thank you so much for stopping by and leaving your point of view.
Marriage is work and if you are not willing to work at it, it will crumble. I used to say “everyone should try the married life”, now I say that it is NOT for everyone. Being in Love and being married is two different things and since we broke the magic glass to look in the future it is at your own risk. That’s not to say that some of us are not successful and still in love with our partners after years of being marraied, Not Me. I have been divorced for more than 20 years and I Love my Singledom. I will say that I would like to have the company of a man, but I do not NEED a man to enjoy my life. From what I see in my social circles, marriage is overated. Kudos for this post!!
I think people don’t see the work that goes into a marriage before they say I do. I agree with your entire post. Being single is the bomb. I don’t have to answer to anyone. But like yourself, I wouldn’t mind a Netflix and Chill night every now and then. 🙂