I used to go on and on about my friends when I was a young child. My grandmother would tell me I would be able to count on my one hand who my true friends were when I got older. And of course, like most grandmothers, she was right. I have had friends come and go in my life. As much as you want to hold on to them sometimes it’s best to just let them go. Especially for your sanity and piece of mind.
I have had friends do shady or questionable things to me on several occasions. I remember once I excitedly texted a friend about some really important news and she replied back with just an “Ok”. Not a “cool”, “great”, “nice”, but “OK”. How rude? When she tells me something exciting I am always genuinely happy for her or any of my friends for that matter. Talk about a deflating response. I had another friend basically tell me she didn’t give a phuck (exactly her words) when I told her it upset me when she did something to hurt my feelings. Oh, but it gets better. I introduced one long time friend to another friend of mine. Then they decided to go on a trip together and exclude me. It’s not the fact that they went on a trip together but it was the underhanded and deceitful way they did it. It was obvious for whatever reason they didn’t want me to go. But the kicker is that they ended up hanging out with some of my college friends who called and asked me why I wasn’t with them. And when I told them that I didn’t even know nor was I invited they were completely shocked. I love that one of my good friends called them out by asking why I wasn’t along on the trip and they just started stuttering. Which was too funny when she told me the story.
When a friendship is on it’s last legs there are a few ways you can let it go. Some choose to put some distance between the relationship or just sever ties completely. I have either disassociated myself from the above mentioned and are no longer friends or I view them in a different regard. I will say that it is very disheartening when you discover that a friend doesn’t value your friendship the way you value there’s. But I have to remember that it is something with them not me.
I say all that to say that while some of those chicks didn’t make the cut, I have a friend that I have known for years. We have been friends since the 1980s.
Erika and I as Dreamgirls in our school talent show.
Up until Erika came, I was the only black girl in my whole elementary school. I was so excited to have someone that looked like me move on my street. And we have been friends ever since. We have been Dreamgirls (I have been obsessed with the Broadway play since I was seven), gone to camp together, participated in Indian Princesses, roomed together at Jack and Jill Teen Conventions, we were debutantes in the same cotillion, I was a bridesmaid in her wedding, there for her baby shower and she continues to be one of my good friends ‘till this day. Her mom would even ground both of us if we did something to get ourselves in trouble. That is the type of relationship we had. And over 20 years later we are still close. Now that is a what I call a friendship.
I haven’t seen Erika since I took a trip out to visit her earlier this year. Lucky for me she was able to spend her birthday in New York City. She had friends come from all over the country to help her celebrate. That’s just a testament to how much she is loved and how her friendship is valued.
Last Friday we had dinner at the Corner Social in Harlem. This was a snap shot of a few us that came out to celebrate. I would have had better pictures had I not forgot to put my battery in my camera after charging it. Ughhh!!
We then went on to the Red Rooster to dance and get wild. We sat upstairs debating on whether or not we wanted to pay $10 to go in the club that they have downstairs. But somehow Erika’s hubby worked out a deal and we didn’t have to pay. I’d like to add that she has a wonderful hubby too. He planned all of the activities for the weekend. 
This was my look of the night. I walked to the restaurant from my house so I wasn’t trying to wear heels. Meanwhile my home girls were towering over me in their heels but were complaining by the end of the night. Ha!
I did a wash and go on my hair.
I wore a Pepsi tee that I got in a goody bag from somewhere and my Jason Wu for Target accordion skirt with Zara sandals.
How do you value friendship? Have you ever been in situations where your friends have taken you for granted or have been down right shady pines?
29 comments
I can definitely relate to the who your true friends are situation i ve had a friend girl who literally sucked me dry meaning my time, money, my heartfelt kindness an i let that go on for a yr to long till i finally put my foot down an said no more i cut her off completely an she walks around like her an i are the best of friends an we cool an as a result of that one individual i dont keep no female friends i only hang out with my sisters an girl cousins……an i talk to my girls an let them know exactly what your grandma told you and now that my daughter is in college she sees that none of the friend she had in high school are friends with her now.Your friend is truly a keeper an i wish you both continued friendship. Love the hair and your outfit so chic!
@tharjyep Thanks for commenting. Sometimes you just have to walk away for piece of mind. I appreciate how much you support my blog. I love reading your comments.
@tharjyep AMEN!!! You can not let anyone consistently withdraw from you and never make a deposit!!
@TheLimerickLane reading now!
@iAMshockley Thanks! Leave a comment if you like.
@TheLimerickLane I did! I wrote a little something about friendships a few months ago, you might like it: http://t.co/TmZcCczv
@iAMshockley You quoted your grandma too!! Awwwww!
@TheLimerickLane HA! The grannies “be knowing” right!?
@iAMshockley The sure do. You don’t want to believe them when they 1st tell you, but then life happens and you see clear.
Yes, I’ve had some friendships that I had to let burn. But I do have a group of bffs and we have been friends for 8 years now! I’m glad that you and your bff have managed to keep such a close bond.
@yummommy Yes! We have been friends for ions. I always wonder up people that don’t have childhood friends. How is that possible? I wonder what it says about that person.
Great post! First, a very Happy Birthday to Erika! It’s wonderful that you have been able to maintain that friendship for so long and that space and time don’t change the amount of love & reverence you have for each other. I think most people have had the ever-daunting experience of having to re-catergorize people in their lives after they’ve shown themselves less than capable of being great (I mean who really wants a “good” friend?) friends.
I love this as well as your own post about friendship. You write very eloquently. I agree with the re-categorizing. You have to remember that people serve different purposes in your life and therefore not always able to fulfill a need you may have.
I’m glad you shared your story. How did it feel?
@MissFoodieFash It felt great! Although some would beg to differ. But I can only write from my perspective. It was the closure that I needed. Very therapeutic.
I completely agree with your grandmother saying that once you get older you will find that you can count your true friends on one hand. Work, families and DRAMA get in the way of good friendships! My biggest problem is finding the time to pick up the phone and have a 15 minute “catch-up” conversation. It’s inexcusable!…..but I know that my true friends understand how busy life gets and when we see each other we always pick right up where I left off and I love that!!
I definitely consider you a true friend and I’ve always got your back 🙂
Thanks Lauren for having my back!! You know I have yours too!! 🙂
Great post. I’ve always envied folks who have friends from childhood, or even from college. In other words, 10+ years. I don’t have any. For various reasons. Congrats to you and Erika for lasting so long.
This is such an awesome post! I too have lost many friends over the years and wondered if I was doing something wrong. People just grow apart. And some of the friends I’ve lost did not appreciate a good friendship because I KNOW I am a great friend and always consider others before myself. I have learned over the years that people are in your lives for a reason, season, or a lifetime. If I was still meant to be friends with that person, we would still be friends. I’m so happy that you have that ride or die friend that you can always count on. Kudos to you and Erika for keeping your friendship for so long!
@TheLimerickLane This was good. It seems for women this is the story of so many of our friendships.
@KTsDivaMom It’s sad. Sometimes I think maybe it’s me, but then I have to say…absolutely not.
@TheLimerickLane no way. I’ve seen this happen with my mom. Folks will love her one min the next they just cut her off. Umm..ok…shrugs!
@KTsDivaMom That’s interesting. Same with my mother. Folks are weird. It’s hard for me to understand because I don’t function that way.
@TheLimerickLane you do know that some people are just powerful beings and others eventually hate to see the light shine.
@KTsDivaMom Thank you!! 🙂
I have had to end so many friendships that I became extremely guarded when it comes to claiming people as best friends. I have been known to value friendship based on the length of time I have known someone but that since has changed. I value friendships now by how well they support me. I also value my friendships on how considerate they are of my time and feelings. I am extremely distant when I feel that a friend is focused on competition or superficial things. This was a great post and that skirt looks really nice on you.
Oh wow, thanks for sharing your thoughts. I’ve wanted to write about my difficult relationships with girls. I’ve had many screw me over or do shady things. I think I’m too trusting of a person and I’m trying to be more cautious.
We haven’t hung out in awhile and I’m hoping its not because of the above mentioned. I really do value our friendship and wish we were able to hang/talk more. Miss you girl!